Paladin’s AMERICAN GOMORRAH ™ — “Chicago Yoot” Edition

Instead of Saturday morning cartoons, Mrs. Paladin watches TV dramas as they provide a cushion of entertainment in a world of jagged edges. She never takes the spoonfed messages particularly seriously, hoping instead for drama points and great reveals – the staple of modern TV drama.

Most of the shows are virtue signaling hooey. The casts in pandemic panic wear masks but drop them to speak. This morning, Paladin overheard a trial scene in which BLM was weighed by two actorlawyers – on a show aptly called, Bull.  This got Paladin thinking about possible TV shows.

 

CHICAGO YOOT Urban Drama

A carousel of local Chicago kids off the Magic Mile can never seem to get through a weekend without suffering a firearm tragedy.  A caring District Attorney – Allison Judd juggles the needs of her single-parenting trans-something child and urban turmoil. When her ex-wife, from a whiteshoe law firm defends a Jesse Smollett type hoaxer – while nine Yoots die that weekend, Allison questions her priorities. To make matters worse, her trans-something child comes out as straight, bringing issues with the LGBTQ co-op board. First Episode: Thank God it’s Monday.

 

MINNEAPOLIS LUTER – Comedy

Traveling into the Midwest from Baltimore, professional Renaissance Fair Lutist Phoebe freeze dries her late BF, killed by an unstable Crumhorn player, who may or may or not have been their lovers. Our darling Lutist makes a heartfelt attempt to start a new life in the boring, but welcoming home of her parents, Norgie square heads – Sven and Matilde. Phoebe soon joins a street band in downtown Minneapolis called The Nero’s who serenade anyone willing to listen in Brooklyn Center. As the city burns, Phoebe has to decide whether to give her late BF a Viking Funeral, or accept a ride with a friendly local policemanOfficer Birdy after her parents’ Volvo is torched. First Episode: I Sing the Body Eccentric.

 

GOOBINNER– Political Drama

The handsome, honorable Governor of the “Empire State” faces outrageous lies and calumnies as he battles the renegade forces of MAGA Land in his own Fiefdom. Along with his bimbo TV anchor sister, Missy Sacco, Governor Vanzetti cleanses the upstate of white supremacists and leaves a pristine wilderness behind. When his sister Missy Sacco is uncovered as an Organized Crime Capo with a family of four in Great Neck Long Island, Goobinner, denies he ever raped his long lost brother, to ensure his family never has to work again or go into a nursing home. Pilot: I Know Where You Live.

 

L.A. RAW – Police Procedural

The all black members of the LAPD’s Banger Squad are put on permanent standdown. As the Hippety-Hop Four look down from Ladera Heights, they plan their next moves.  Lucille, the gruff but understanding dyke contemplates retirement in a Wyoming gated lesbian community for elderly women. Buster, the gruff but understanding, LA Chargers ex-linebacker is trying to figure out how to pay for his wife, two girlfriends and seven children on a Policeman’s salary and a side gig on a soon to be canceled cop show called Lady Blue. Stumpy, the gruff but understanding elder member of the team is learning Ministry Online, but only seems to find milfs seeking the divinely endowed. Humdrum, the sensitive gay cop is neither gruff, nor understanding. As the special ops derp, he can’t seem to score in West LA no matter what. Every week another horrific crime has to be solved without help of the authorities. Pilot: Coy Piranhas. When a Studio Exec is found Devoured in his Coi Pond.

 

THE MEATS OF SAN FRANCISCO – Dark Comedy

Ruby grew up on the unforgiving streets of the Tenderloin District.  Now evicted from her homeless street tent, Ruby preys on the unsuspecting and is preyed upon in turn by those most powerful in the City by the Bay. In a case of mistaken identity, Ruby is taken for the society editor of the SF Chronicle who conveniently dies in a boating accident from the SF Yacht Club, and whose body goes missing. With the sudden acquiesce of the society editor’s husband, children, friends and family, Ruby becomes San Francisco’s toast of the town, the final arbiter of taste and the go-to Grrrl of the Barbary Coast. When a body washes up by the Presidio, Ruby panics. Featuring cameos by Nancy Pelosi’s hairdresser and Chesa Boudin. Pilot: What’s a Bidet between Friends?

 

PARISH PRINCESS – Authentic Local Drama

Down in the Bayou, mulatto healer Lady Ton-Ton Macoute saves the crayfish from garbage dumping, keeps local Swamp Boys in line and local Swamp Babes more or less chaste. When not running a still, Lady Ton-Ton teaches ancient Aramaic. Which she twists into curious Biblical apocryphal malapropisms: “For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. Until very recently. Coriolis 6:9Bayou characters include, a midget Shrimper, a forgotten Golf Pro who buggers goats and Lady Ton-Ton’s ghostly father, known only as Baron Samedi.  When an oil company surveys the local waters for a rig, Lady Ton-Ton casts mighty spells, which backfire when a red tide kills off half the wildlife.  Pilot: Dead Crawdad Butts

 

LITTLE HOSP ON THE PRAIRIE – Medical Drama/Comedy

The only hospital in Hobnail, Nebraska can’t seem to maintain solvency.  The white supremacist medical team, led by Skip Charter and his nurse sister Bunny Lake is forever mishandling medical emergencies which somehow always turn out all right when the Insurance Company comes through in a pinch. The Insurance Executive, Peabody T. Monkton is having an affair with The Hosp’s head of accounting, a germaphobe who can never be seen as she/it is gowned from head to toe.  When the state’s only Chinese/Japanese/Pacific Islander billionaire comes to The Hosp’s rescue, the stodgy wypipo are faced with the choice of medical assassination or surrender. Pilot: Who Hid the Salami?

Go ahead, tell Paladin you wouldn’t watch one of those in Year Two of the Great Masking?

 

The featured photo is Bob Denver as “Gilligan” from “Gilligan’s Island” TV Show, 1964, and available under CC BY-SA 3.0.

 

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